Ugly Monster

UGLY MONSTER

Recently, I viewed a perfect picture of a secondary offense. This kind of offense occurs when someone you love is adversely affected by the words or actions of another and you become angry for them. It is an insidious and rotten kind of interaction because it has no personal basis.


I was reminded of a time when I took on a secondary offense. An old friend of ours, George, (not his real name} believed a lie told to him about my husband. At the time, George had been a close personal friend for about fifteen years. The person telling the lie was a fairly new acquaintance. Unfortunately, George chose to believe the man and my husband, rightly so, was insulted. This put a damper on their relationship.


When my husband told me of his problem with George, I got mad. I didn't just get mad, I got furious. It became an impossible situation because George's wife was one of my closest friends and I was unable to be around either of them without feeling agitated inside. Since we were all part of the same group of friends, I was agitated a lot.


This went on for about two years. Shortly before we were scheduled to move out of state, George came to my husband and apologized. The other man had been found to be a liar and George realized what he had done. My husband and George had a heart to heart talk and they each asked for, and received, forgiveness from each other. Their relationship was restored and all was well. They were once again dear friends.


There was one problem though. Me. I still had the anger I felt toward George for his “perceived” betrayal of my husband. My anger became a horrible poison to my soul and followed me to our new home. I unrealistically blamed George for the problems I encountered there. I let my anger towards him permeate every aspect of my life and it grew and grew into an ugly monster within me.


One afternoon, I had had it. I sat down at my kitchen table and wrote an eight page, single spaced letter to George reciting every wrong that I thought he had ever done to me or to my family. Anger spurred my pen on and I began to feel justified in my displeasure. I planned to put him in his place. I hoped that I would be set free by exposing him and all that he had done. Eventually, I was finished. I laid my pen down. I was exhausted emotionally.


I picked up the letter that had so filled my mind and as I read it back to myself, a strange thing happened. Sure, George had initially wronged my husband but as I continued to read I began to realize that he had never intentionally done so. Plus, he had never wronged me in any way. I realized that he had always been loving and kind towards me.


I began to get an unwelcome feeling inside my heart that by allowing my anger for George to so consume me for two years that I had sinned against him and pretty soon I was crying out to God for forgiveness. After a time, I felt spent and all of the anger that had welled up within me before was miraculously gone! I lifted my head from the table where it rested and as I did so I had a firm conviction that I needed to confess my sin to George.


So, I reached for the phone and called him. Amazingly, he answered right away and I spent a few minutes asking his forgiveness for the specific ways that I had sinned against him. He was able to understand completely and said that he forgave me. He did not ask for my forgiveness because truthfully, he had never harmed me personally and had already dealt with any wrong of his toward my husband. He was gracious and kind. We ended the phone call in a warm manner and were once again friends.


My emotions were no longer bound up with anger and vengeance. I was peaceful and content. All was well. The next time I saw both George and his wife we were back to our old footing of friendship. This says a great deal about the kind of wonderful people that they had always been!


This episode was a major teaching point in my life and continues to speak to me today. Beware of taking on emotional baggage for another person even if it is a beloved child, husband, family member or friend. When someone sins against you forgive them, deal with it and go on your way. Don't let anger or bitterness rule in your heart because the only one that it will truly destroy is……. you!


“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses (sins). But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Mark 11: 25-26


Later it says…”Confess your sins one to another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 4:7-10, James 5:16


Have a good day! Love, Sue