Choices

I am an indecisive woman.  When we go to restaurants, I am usually the last person to place an order.  When my husband asks what I'd like to do on the weekend, I respond like the vultures in Disney’s cartoon movie, Jungle Book, "I dunno know what you wanna to do?"  When I go shopping for clothes for myself, I shop, buy, bring them home and then return them.  Often, I repeat the cycle over and over with the consequence of rarely having new clothes.   I live in America so it is not because I can't find clothes, I just can't decide what to buy because the choices are overwhelming.

Many years ago, when I was the young mother of two small children, I had an experience that made me realize that I was always going to have a very specific choice to make. This choice would make or break the quality of every minute of every day.  It would influence every relationship in my life and would impact directly or indirectly every other decision I make until the day I die!

 

It was a beautiful summer afternoon in Northern Minnesota.  It was one of those somewhat rare but amazing days that are not too hot, not too cold and the bugs are held at bay for a few minutes.  My husband’s brother and sister-in-law and their family along with my mother and father-in-law were on their way to visit us and after they arrived we were all going to go on a picnic.

Going on a picnic always sounds like fun but they are a lot of work to prepare for.  I wasn’t the greatest cook in the world but I got busy (in between caring for a very active one year old and a precocious four year old) and made some potato salad and coleslaw. After covering them with Saran Wrap, I continued my chore and prepared hamburgers and hotdogs to cook over a fire at the park where we were going to spend the day.  I also had to make some cookies and bars because what is a picnic without the good stuff!

I wasn’t quite finished by the time everyone arrived but I was feeling quite proud of myself for having gotten so much food ready in a short time.  Besides that, miracle of miracles, it all looked and tasted good.  I called my husband in from outside where he was busy greeting his loved ones and asked him to help me carry all the picnic stuff out to the car.  Trying to be helpful and considerate, he grabbed the two bowls of salad and hurried away.  I loaded up my arms with the containers of hotdogs and hamburgers and followed him.

I fumbled around trying to open the front door with my arms full and finally made it through. As I let the door slam shut behind me and stepped out onto the porch, I looked up to see my husband opening the trunk of the car.  I watched in mounting horror as he threw the trunk lid up and the two bowls of salad that he had placed on top of it flew into the air and landed face down on the driveway!  The Saran Wrap disappeared and there lie my good tasting, good looking, time consuming, and mother-in-law impressing salads on the ground looking like someone had had a bad case of the stomach flu!

As I stood there frozen in place, I will never forget the split second conscious decision that I made.  In that micro-millisecond space of time I knew that I could either laugh at the obviously funny predicament that my husband found himself in and release any unwanted tension for the day or….. I could choose to get mad at him for talking to his brother and not paying attention to what he was doing…… consequently making a more work for me!

I knew for sure that I had a choice to make.  It was mine alone to decide how I would react.  That split second is forever imbedded in my memory because it was the first time that I really understood both the freedom and the obligation that I have to choose my reaction in any situation whether pleasant or adverse. 

It was literally as if I was standing there with an angel and a demon perched one on each shoulder whispering in my ear.  You’ve seen illustrations like this before, I’m sure.  One was saying “Oh my, how funny was that!  You should laugh and everyone will be happy and have a fun day.  We’ll eat what we have and this will be a good memory for everyone.”  The other was saying, “Come on!  You worked so hard to make it nice for your husband’s family and this is how he repays you?  I mean really, he could have paid closer attention to what he was doing!  You should get mad at him and make him pay!!!!”

I learned on this day that while I have no control over many of the things that happen to me in my life; I ALWAYS have control over my reactions!  I am ALWAYS given that split second in which to choose what that reaction will be.  I am given a choice to either react in a positive life affirming way or to give in to my baser instincts and pass out a judgment of some sort.  The decisions that I make regarding those choices have lasting repercussions and influence not just me but those around me.   But, I ALWAYS have a choice!  It NEVER fails! 

When my kids were small they listened to a recording of Music Machine, a children’s musical sung by the Agapeland singers.  One song has wormed its way into the core of my very being and is played there repeatedly.  The words go something like this….

Once I had a knot in my shoe

And it would not come loose.

I tried and tried and tried and tried

But it would not come loose.

I got so mad I hit the door

And stubbed my little toe….Eowww

If only I had had a little bit of self-control.

Self-control is just controlling yourself

It’s listening to your heart and doing what is smart.

Self-control is the very best way to go

So, I think that I’ll control myself!

I’m not sure that I should reveal which decision I made in regard to the picnic………...lets just say that tensions were high for the rest of the afternoon……..   

            GOOD REACTION/BAD REACTION

                         YOUR CHOICE

                               ALWAYS!

         

                                                     Have a good day!  Love, Sue